


How To Feed Your Teenage Spiderling

by happyaspie



Series: Spider-man Stories: Not Otherwise Specified [7]
Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, Spider-Man (Tom Holland Movies)
Genre: 5+1 Things, Bad Cooking, Banter, Cooking, Cooking is hard, Food, Food abominations, I Don't Even Know, I Wrote This For Fun, Microwaves, Peter Parker Eats All The Time, Peter Parker Has an Enhanced Metabolism, Peter Parker is Not a Chef, Peter Parker is a Mess, Precious Peter Parker, Randomness, Short Chapters, Snacks & Snack Food, Tony Stark Acting as Peter Parker's Parental Figure, Tony Stark is a Good Mentor, Tony Stark is amused, Unusual Food Combinations, Violence Against Toasters
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-07
Updated: 2020-01-15
Packaged: 2021-02-27 10:29:18
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 8,542
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22085680
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/happyaspie/pseuds/happyaspie
Summary: Peter doesn't exactly eat on a typical meal schedule... or put any sort of reason into food preparation... or care much about the conventions of a typical taste pallet.or:Five times Tony questioned Peter's food choices and one time he just went with it...(Here's a hint:  It just keeps getting worse as the chapter's progress)
Relationships: Peter Parker & Tony Stark
Series: Spider-man Stories: Not Otherwise Specified [7]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1574956
Comments: 113
Kudos: 367





	1. Oat-MEAL

**Author's Note:**

> So, nothing here is _too_ over the top. Just some weird food combinations that either, I know someone who eats them or I found on the internet... _and one_... that's actually on menus in a lot of places but I think the combination sounds absolutely abhorrent. I think Tony would agree. Maybe you don't... Maybe you like some of this stuff... maybe you might want to try some of it after you read about it... who knows? 
> 
> Talk to me about in the comments.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I decided that this didn't really fit in my 'Tony Stark is a Good Mentor' series or not so I dropped it here instead.

Having an enhanced metabolism on top of being a, you know, teenaged boy meant that Peter could eat pretty much anything at any time. It also meant that there were times that he'd have to get a little creative to fill the bottomless pit that his stomach had become after his run-in with a certain radioactive spider. Not _too creative_ , he wasn't eating chocolate-covered Vienna Sausages... yet... but _he had_ come across a few combinations that some people might not think of and he _liked_ them. May had stopped questioning it a long time ago. If she walked in on Peter eating one of his specially made concoctions, she simply smiled and kept walking. Tony, on the other hand, was just starting to notice it and it took him a while to get to the point where he too, could simply accept that it for what it was. Peter would, could and enjoyed eating... absolutely everything... at least once.

Tony's first encounter with Peter's unusual eating habits happened on the very first day he'd invited the kid over to work in the lab. Lunch had long since passed and Peter's stomach was grumbling. He tried to be polite and not ask for any more food since the man had just fed him a large spread of Chinese take-out not even three hours prior but the man noticed all the same.

"Kid... Was that your _stomach_?" , Tony asked with mirth after a particularly loud rumble had come from the kid's direction. They'd been working side by side so it wasn't exactly hard to hear but Peter tried to deny it all the same.

"No, Mr. Stark.", he started but when Tony quirked an eyebrow at him he caved. It was that easy. All the man had to do was look at him questioningly and he immediately gave in. It wasn't like he could lie. He'd tried that... it didn't work... it turned into a huge mess and he wasn't going to do _that again_ anytime soon. So, he sighed. "Yes. I'm sorry."

Tony rolled his eyes and paused the program they had been working on. Then being the good mentor that he was, he made sure the teenager knew that he wasn't allowed to be hungry in his presence. "You don't have to be sorry for being hungry. You probably have an enhanced metabolism to rival Cap's and I'm not going to allow you to starve on my watch. Why don't you head up to my penthouse and see what you can scrounge up in there? I'll be up in a few minutes.", he instructed and watched as Peter stood up and left the room before finishing up the last bit of what they had been doing. He could go over it with the kid when there wasn't the distraction of an empty stomach.

By the time Tony made it up to his own kitchen, Peter was already seated at the table with a steaming bowl in front of him. Assuming the kid had made himself a can of soup from the pantry or heated up some pizza rolls from the freezer... he didn't question it. Not until he'd grabbed himself a bottle of water from the fridge and sat down to join him, anyway. Then a quick glance at the spoon Peter was holding later, he couldn't keep his lips from quirking up into a genuine smile. "What are you eating, kid?"

Peter being somewhat distracted by looking around the unfamiliar room took a few seconds to answer. When he did it was in slight confusion. "Um... oatmeal? Was I not supposed to eat that? I'm sorry, Mr. Stark.", he rambled before he realized that Tony looked more amused than anything else. He'd been completely uncomfortable going through the man's kitchen and had simply grabbed the first thing he saw. The box of apple cinnamon oatmeal had been sitting at the very front of the panty along with a few other random containers but that looked like the easiest option, without doing a lot of digging. 

"No, I don't care what you eat. You can have whatever you want. It just that... isn't that a breakfast food?", Tony asked with glee. He was going to go further to ask the boy what he'd put in it because there was definitely something else mixed in it but he didn't get the chance. Peter was already trying to rapidly defend his snack choice.

"You can eat oatmeal any time of day, Mr. Stark. It's called oa _t-meal,_ not oat- _breakfast.",_ Peter quickly returned before trying to hurry up and finish what was left in the bowl before Tony could question his choices any further. 

Tony shook his head and rolled his eyes. He couldn't argue with that answer. Well, he probably could. He could argue the sky was green and the grass was blue but he didn't. Instead, he decided to move on to what on Earth the child had stirred into the bowl. "okay, sure, kid. It's not oat-breakfast. Care to explain what you've got mixed in there?"

Sighing, Peter dropped the spoon back into the mostly empty bowl and tried to smile because he really didn't want to answer that. "Not really.", he innocently replied hoping upon hope that those words would be enough to get the man to let it go but, of course, they weren't. This was Tony stark he was talking to. If he wanted answers he got answers. 

"Well, now I'm really curious.", the man laughed in response. "Walnuts? Dry cereal? Come on, kid... what is it?", he eagerly prompted. He was pretty sure it wasn't either one of those things but he couldn't for the life of him come up with any other reasonable additions. When Peter dropped his gaze and began to shift in his seat his interest multiplied and he decided to stop pulling his punches. He was _going_ to find out. "You're eating my food, kiddo. I have the right to inquire. Now, spill."

"Fine.", Peter sighed out. "It's bits of Slim Jim."

"Bits of Slim Jim...", Tony blandly repeated before breaking back into a fit of suppressed giggles. "Kid... that's... that's _gross._ Why would you do that?"

"Because it's good!", Peter guardedly returned. "It's sweet and salty and the slim jim adds texture.", he explained with a smile. Even though May had long since stopped questioning his eating habits he was fully prepared to handle the man's teasing. Between his aunt and Ned too, really... he'd had _plenty_ of practice. "...and you can't knock it until you try it."

"Oh, I can and I will, thanks.", Tony clipped back with a grin. "...and just so you know... walnuts add saltiness and texture too. Dried meat sticks do not belong in oatmeal... or anywhere. Where did you even find that?", he questioned because if he was going to eat any kind of sausage jerky, it wasn't going to be in the form of a Slim Jim. He couldn't fathom why there would be any in his kitchen. 

"I had it in my backpack.", Peter replied with a shrug of his shoulders. "They're inexpensive and easy to carry around with me at school."

Making a mental note to buy the kid some power bars or something for his locker, Tony sighed. "Whatever you say, kid. Just hurry up and eat it so we can get back to the lab."

"Yes, sir, Mr. Stark!", Peter chipped back before scooping the last few bites into his mouth and hurrying over to the sink to wash his bowl. He didn't get to finish though. Tony came over before he could find the soap and place it in the dishwasher, instead.

"I have appliances to do that kind of stuff for me, kid.", Tony said with a twinkle in his eyes and then glanced towards his pantry and smirked. "Hey FRIDAY? Be a dear and add Slim Jims to the grocery list." 

The rest of the afternoon was spent in the lab and once Peter had been safely delivered home he sat at his workbench and thought about the day. He'd learned a lot about Peter that he didn't know in those few hours they spent together. Like, the fact that Peter was was a little more hesitant out of his suit that he was in it. He also learned that the kid was practically a genius. Then he laughed and laughed and shook his head because to be so smart the boy had no idea how to eat something as simple as _oatmeal_. He wondered what he would learn about the kid next. Whatever it was, he hoped it wasn't in the kitchen but _of course it would be_ because he was still blissfully unaware that that particular snack combination had been just the _very tip_ of the iceberg. It was only going to get more...unique from there.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This combination is brought to you by, the internet. I read somewhere about 'savory' oatmeal and thought to myself... Why not combine the two? I wouldn't eat it but it doesn't sound _horrible_. Right? _Right._. 
> 
> The line 'It's called oat-meal, not oat-breakfast' is curtesy of my fifteen-year-old son who, one decided he needed to defend his choice to eat a packet of instant oatmeal for lunch. I didn't even ask... but he isn't _wrong._


	2. Sour Pickles

Within a the next several weeks, Peter had visited Tony at the lab quite a few more times and had grown far more comfortable. Bantering with Tony had become second nature and he thoroughly enjoyed his time with the man. They did all kinds of awesome science and built cool things. They ate copious amounts of take out and Tony had specially ordered some of his favorite snacks. The penthouse, despite the fact that he'd never been in it for longer than an hour or so at a time, was starting to feel like a second home.

One Particular afternoon when they were between projects, Peter excused himself to go up and get something to eat. Tony opted to follow behind as he sometimes did. As soon as they arrived in the penthouse and Tony started a pot of coffee. It was already four in the afternoon but that had never stopped him before. He practically lived off the stuff. There was probably more of that running through his veins than actual blood. 

As the coffee began to drip into the carafe, Tony turned around leaned onto the counter to wait. From there he watched as Peter sorted through the cabinets until he found a large glass before going into the refrigerator and pulling out the jug of lemonade he'd purchased at the kid's request. The boy then filled the cup to the halfway point and walked off presumably to return it to the refrigerator. He wasn't really paying attention anymore, his back was turned to get a coffee mug from under the counter. 

With his mug now ready and waiting beside the machine, Tony turned back around just in time to see the teenager pop the lid off of a large jar of whole dill pickles and other than thinking something along the lines of 'Ew, I wouldn't eat a pickle while drinking lemonade.', he didn't really think much of it. That is until Peter subsequently dropped two large pickles into his glass. Not onto a plate or into a second _empty_ glass, nope, he submerged them _in his lemonade_. Smiling the whole time. "Kid!", Tony shouted with mirth. "What are you doing?"

Peter glanced up, still smiling. "Um... making a snack?", he replied as he took a sip from his cup. 

"You do realize that you put pickles in that cup, yes?", Tony asked when the kid didn't so much as flinch as he took a second and a third sip. 

"Yep.", Peter replied with a smack of his lips at the wonderfully sour mixture. 

"...and you realize that I have plates that you can put things on...right?", Tony added, his tone clearly teasing. 

"Mm-hmm.", Peter hummed around the edge of the cup. "I like it this way though, Mr. Stark."

Giving the kid a surveying look, Tony laughed. "Why? Why would you want to put pickles, of all things in your lemonade?", he asked with amusement. He'd seen many things floating in punch bowls filled with the citrus beverage but not pickles. Strawberries, limes, orange slices, even mint, and basil but not that. Never that. Probably because it was _nasty_ but Peter seemed completely at ease with his choice.

"It's good because their both kind of sour. When you put the pickles in the lemonade, then the pickles taste a little bit lemony and sweet and the lemonade tastes a little bit pickley and extra sour. You should try it.", Peter suggested with a grin. He knew the man wouldn't. May and Ned had refused too. All he could think was that none of them knew what they were missing. 

"Not on your life, kiddo.", Tony replied with an overly dramatic shiver. "You can keep your lemony, pickley, mess away from me."

Taking that as an invitation to give the man a hard time, Peter crossed the room so that he was no more than three feet in front of where Tony was still waiting for his coffee to finish brewing. Then when he was sure he had his mentor's undivided attention, he picked up one of the pickles and took a big bite. "Mmmm", he hummed out louder than was strictly necessary. "Sweet and sour and _perfect_.", he added before holding the pickle out towards Tony. "Sure you don't want a bite, Mr. Stark?"

"I have never been more sure of anything in my entire life, kiddo.", Tony laughed out as he tried to take a few side steps to avoid the lemonade and brine drenched snack.

Peter shrugged his shoulders and retracted his hand before taking another crunching bite. "That's okay. More for me.", he said with a smile. Then after some brief consideration, he added, "That and it's better if you let it sit for a little while anyway."

Shaking his head, Tony finally began to pour himself a steaming cup of pure energy and ignored the kid's latter statement. The mixture was bad enough without thinking about it literally stewing together. "That's right. More for you.", he said into his mug right before taking the first swig. "I've got coffee."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This lovely concoction was brought to you by a guy I 'dated' in high school. This was his favorite after school snack and I still, to this day, don't get it. He tried to explain it many, many times but I can't wrap my brain around it.


	3. Oh Honey, No

Eventually, Peter started spending entire weekends with Tony. They would get so caught up in what they were doing that one afternoon the man just outright suggested that the teenager spend the night there. A quick call to May later, Peter was elated to announce that he had been granted permission to stay. 

"That's great, kid.", Tony had sighed out in relief. Removing the constraint of having to get the boy home on time would make finishing their build model concept that much faster. "Means we can get more work done."

Peter agreed with a smile and they quickly got back to work. That was how the remainder of the evening and well into the night was spent. Outside of a few necessary little breaks and one longer pause for dinner, they did nothing but build and program well into the early morning hours when Peter started losing steam. "I've... I've got this part done, Mr... Mr. Stark.", Peter said through a few poorly stifled yawns.

"You should probably go to bed, kid.", Tony distractedly replied but Peter declined. They were nearly done and it wouldn't hurt to put the rest off until the next day but he was still hyper-focused on his task and not really cognizant of the time until Peter dropped several parts on his way back from the supply closet. At that point, he took a second to look at the clock and cringed. "It's after two in the morning, Buddy. I think we should both hit the hay.", he said, having decided that the kid wasn't likely to go to bed unless he did and was rewarded with the boy's eager compliance.

"Yeah. That's a good idea.", Peter tiredly replied before following his mentor back to the living area and up a set of stairs he'd never been up before. After a quick tour that mostly consisted of, ' _here's my room, you're room and the upstairs bathroom_ ', Peter fell into bed in a heap. He didn't even get to properly enjoy how comfortable the bed was before he was out like a light.

Being in an unfamiliar place, Peter didn't really sleep past eight. He'd woken up early needing to use the bathroom and then couldn't seem to get back to sleep after. Rather than chasing sleep he went downstairs to the kitchen to make himself some breakfast. He assumed that was okay. He'd always had free reign in the kitchen before and he didn't know why this would be any different now, so he set to work.

He scrambled a few eggs into a bowl and stuck them in the microwave, just as he would at home. He watched the timer so that partway in he could open it up and stir then eggs again before allowing his breakfast to continue to cook. By the time they were ready to eat, Tony was walking into the kitchen. "Are those eggs?", Tony asked out of curiosity. 

"Mm-hmm.", Peter sleepily hummed before pouring himself a glass of milk and heading over to the pantry.

"You want me to make you some eggs on the stove, kiddo?", Tony asked out of curiosity. He'd never really offered to cook anything for the kid before but he didn't want him to be left eating rubbery microwaved eggs when he could help with that. Eggs weren't exactly his specialty but they had to taste better than microwaved the ones.

"No, 's okay. I already made these.", Peter tiredly slurred with a nod of his head as he continued to rummage through the open closet. 

As he pulled the carton out of the refrigerator, Tony questioned Peter once more. He assumed he was just being polite or trying not to be wasteful or something along those lines. Leading him to ask, "Are you sure, Buddy? I don't mind." He shouldn't have been near as surprised by the kid's answer as he was.

Shaking his head once more, Peter emerged from the pantry with what he'd gone in there for and headed back towards his plate. "I like them this way.", he said nonchalantly before opening up the jar of honey and drizzling it over the top of the eggs before Tony could fully stop him.

"Pete! Kid... that's honey", Tony nearly shouted from across the room causing the still sleepy teenager to flinch at the sudden increase in volume. He hadn't meant to scare him but that had to have been a mistake. At the same time, he couldn't sort out what else the boy might have been after. "what were you really looking for? I'll go get it for you", he suggested but Peter was already stirring the sticky natural syrup into his bowl of stiff eggs.

"This _is_ what I was looking for, Mr. Stark.", Peter returned with a nod. "You've never had syrup on your eggs before?"

That particular question gave Tony some pause. He _had_ eaten eggs with syrup on them, though, admittedly, not on purpose. There were times it had seeped over towards his eggs or bacon or whatever and he'd eaten it anyway but it wasn't like he _stirred it in._ With a deep sigh and a shrug of his shoulders he was just about to let that one go... and then the kid added ketchup to the mix. At that point, all pardon and apologies were off the table. Shaking his head he watched the boy stir that in as well before bringing the spoon up to his mouth. "You know I was going to let you win on the whole honey thing and then you added ketchup... what do you have to say for yourself now, Chef Ramsey?", he asked with curious delight.

Peter finished what was in his mouth and shrugged his shoulders. "Kinda like sweet and sour sauce, I guess.", he replied as an excuse but Tony wasn't accepting that one.

He couldn't see any justification in that. Other than admitting that microwaved eggs probably did need _something stirred into them_ to make them less dry. However, if that was the case, he figured that butter or maybe sour cream would have done the trick. Hell, even ranch dressing sounded better than ketchup and honey. That was just _gross._ "Nope. You don't put sweet and sour sauce on eggs either, kiddo. Try again.", the man laughed. 

"I've got nothing else.", Peter returned with mock disappointment. "Maybe you should just try it."

"Nope. I'll make mine into an omelet with sausage and cheese, thanks.", Tony quickly replied as he began to crack a few eggs into a bowl and heat his pan. He half-expected to hear a bit more protest from the kid when he refused but that wasn't the case. Instead, the boy perked up in his seat and smiled at him.

"Can I have some sausage?", Peter asked with enthusiasm. 

"Are you going to do anything weird with it?", Tony asked with a quirk of his eyebrow. When Peter just shrugged his shoulders in response, he couldn't stop himself from laughing. "That's not a good enough answer, kid..."

"Ugh, I won't do anything weird with it, Mr. stark.", Peter hurriedly added as he watched Tony pull several links out of the freezer. When there was no reply at all he got up to and crossed the distance between himself and his mentor. "I promise to eat it all boring and plain... can I please have some too?", he practically begged and all the man could do at that point was laugh.

Shaking his head, Tony emptied the entire box of frozen sausages into the pan and smiled because this kid was _a mess._ "Sure kid... I'll make you some _plain ol' boring_ sausages." 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This abomination was brought to you by my husband who said honey on eggs wasn't gross and then rationalized it. Therefore leading me to add ketchup to the mix... to which he then said that it 'didn't sound bad because then you were most of the way to a sweet and sour sauce.' I beg to differ. It does sound bad. No one will ever convince me otherwise. ... but this was coming from a man who put soy sauce on his chocolate ice cream on a dare... and then _liked it_.


	4. Toasted

It was two o'clock in the morning at the avenger's tower when Tony was woken by a loud noise echoing through the halls. The loud metallic bang that had woken him was followed by several more softer clicks and clanks. When the sounds didn't dissipate after several minutes he groaned and rolled onto his back. "FRIDAY? What is the kid doing?", he inquired already knowing the culprit. There was no one else in the building to blame it on and no one else could have gotten in without his knowledge.

"Mr. Parker appears to be disassembling the toaster in the kitchen, Boss.", The AI explained with what sounded like exasperation and Tony wondered what sort of conversation the AI had already had with the boy. He would have to look into it later. It was bound to be entertaining.

"Fabulous.", Tony grumbled under his breath as he stepped into a pair of joggers and started towards the stairs. Once he was at the end of the hall he was able to look over the railing into the kitchen. Sure enough, there were toaster parts scattered across the counter and the smell of burnt... _something_ was penetrating the air. Sighing deeply he descended the staircase and placed his hands on his hips. "What did that toaster ever do to you?", he asked long before the boy had even noticed his presence. 

Startling slightly at his mentor's sudden appearance, Peter spun around on his heels nearly dropping the pate he'd been holding. "I was going to fix it!", he gasped out.

Laughing lightly, Tony leaned against the entryway and crossed his arms casually over his chest. "Why did you take it apart to begin with? It's two in the morning, kid and we don't tinker in the kitchen... we have a lab for that."

Shrugging his shoulders, Peter smiled lightly and gestured towards the plate in his hand. "I needed to get my sandwich out, Mr. Stark." 

"So... you had to brutally rip it apart at the seams?", Tony asked as he surveyed the random screws, wires and metal plates that were littering the kitchen counter.

Peter held out the hand that wasn't supporting his plate in mild defeat. "It was, it was _stuck_.", he proclaimed with a half-hearted whine.

"So _violent_.", Tony teased before it hit him that the kid had just said he'd made himself a _sandwich_. "...and wait... how were you making a sandwich in the toaster? You don't make sandwiches in the toaster, kid."

"Well...", Peter began because, to be honest, he didn't really have an explanation. He'd never actually used a toaster to make a sandwich before. At home, he used the toaster _oven_... Tony didn't have one of those and he wasn't comfortable using the stove. At the time, it made sense that maybe turning the toaster on its side would be a solution. He'd not thought about what would happen when things dripped and crumbled onto the heated sides. Nor did think about how shoving two slices of bread into a slot meant for one would make it impossible to remove. 

When Tony continued to stare at him with his eyebrows meeting his hair, Peter laughed nervously and tried to decide the best way to explain what he'd done. "I, um... I was hungry...", he started but his words trailed off as he tried to find a way to spin this story so that he didn't sound _completely_ incompetent in the kitchen. 

"Obviously...", Tony commented when Peter's words faded. 

"Yeah, and I wanted to make a grilled cheese and... well, a grilled cheese--", Peter began to lamely explain but Tony cut him off laughing.

"--In the toaster...?", the man questioned as pure glee swelled up in his chest. To be so smart the kid was an absolute disaster. Common sense was definitely not his strong suit. They would have to work on that but for now, he would just enjoy the show.

Sighing deeply and trying his hardest not to stamp his foot in annoyance, Peter tried to rationalize his actions. "I don't know how to use the stove! I mean I assume it's not that difficult but I've never done that. At my apartment we, we have a toaster oven."

Tony smirked and shook his head, not only at the weak excuse but at the fact that he had no idea that _anyone_ still owned _a toaster oven_. "Wow, kid. The eighties called. They want their appliances back." 

Being tired and still hungry, having not yet had the opportunity to actually eat what he'd created, Peter threw his head back and fully whined. "Mr. Stark..."

Chuckling at the teenager's childish tone, Tony looked Peter in the eye and held up an accusatory finger. "New rule.", he playfully clipped. "No more toaster use for you between the hours of eleven pm and eight am and even then only with supervision."

Nodding his head in agreement, Peter smiled slightly. "I _am_ sorry about your toaster and I really was going to put it back together.", he said because that had been the plan. Quietly take the toaster apart to free the entangled sandwich and then put it back together again before his mentor could find out. However, getting the appliance disassembled had taken a little more effort... _and elbow grease_... than expected. _Dropping it_ partway through the process probably hadn't helped. He was almost sure that was what had alerted Tony to his activities, in the first place.

"Eh. I'll buy a new one.", Tony returned with a light chuckle. Buying another toaster wasn't really that big of a deal, he could have another one delivered by lunch. Several if he wanted more. "You should eat that sandwich before it gets cold.", he added and watched as Peter cut it in half and picked up one piece. As he did so, the expected strings of gooey cheese appeared at the separation but there was also something else. He just couldn't tell what that something else was, so he stupidly asked. "What is in that?"

"Cheese?", Peter mumbled past the hand he'd held up to cover the fact that he was clearly talking with his mouth full. 

"...and...", Tony prompted because whatever the other ingredient was, it wasn't cheese. It was melty and runny and decidedly _brown._

While he wasn't particularly eager to disclose what else he'd added to the bread, he could tell that Tony wasn't going to take 'nothing' as an answer. "Um... Nutella...?", he stated, though it came out sounding more like a question. Probably because he was preparing himself for a whole lot of teasing but it never came. 

"I'm officially sorry I asked.", Tony flatly replied. As much as he liked hazelnut spread _and_ cheese, he was confident that he didn't want them melted together on two slices of toasted _white bread_. "You're a weird kid, you know that, right?"

Peter smiled through his next bite and nodded his head. "Mm-hmm. May told me.", he confirmed. She told him nearly daily and he chose to go ahead and take it as a compliment. He had spider DNA... he was pretty sure he had the market cornered when it came to 'weird' at this point.

"Well, I'm going to go ahead and second that.", Tony asserted with a grin. 

"Mm-hmm.", Peter hummed in response. He was going to say more but a piece of toast had caught in his throat and he was currently trying not to cough. Tony seemed to notice and was quick to try and help him out.

"Here.", Tony said as he handed over a glass of milk he'd hurriedly poured into a glass. Then as he watched the boy guzzle it down another idea struck him and he found himself getting almost _excited_ by it. "You know what? I'm going to teach you how to use the stove. We'll make...quesadillas or something for lunch later."

Perking up immediately, Peter grinned ear to ear. He wasn't sure how much instruction using the stove actually required but he was excited to have the opportunity to become more comfortable with it. "Awesome. I love quesadillas!", he finally returned with enthusiasm. Maybe that would even open him up to being able to make May dinner every once in a while, when she got home late and too tired to cook. He didn't get to think much more about that before the man was back to teasing him.

"Yeah? What do you put in yours? Frosted Flakes? Gummy Worms?... Slim Jims?", Tony asked with amusement. 

"No.", Peter indignantly replied. He didn't think he was _that bad_... though when he thought about it... Slim Jims in a quesadilla didn't sound terrible. He kept that to himself, though. "Just cheese... and sometimes some chicken."

Placing his hand over his heart in mock relief, Tony laughed. "Oh, thank God.", he sighed out. "At least you eat _something_ normal."

Rolling his eyes, Peter wanted to say that he actually ate a lot of so-called normal things. All the time. He didn't even add pineapple to his pizza but he didn't say any of that. Instead, he shook his head and popped the last bite of chocolate and cheese covered crust into his mouth. "I'm going to clean up and go back to bed.", he announced. Now that he was fed, exhaustion was taking over again and he yawned on the spot as if to prove it. 

Tony crossed the distance between them and pried the now empty plate out of his tired mentee's hands. "It's alright, I've got the mess. I'll see you in the morning.", Tony said softly and Peter didn't argue. If the man wanted to put his plate and cup away for him so that he could get back to bed, he was all for it. 

"Thank you.", he said as Tony ruffled his already sleep tangles hair. Then he started back towards the stairs but once he'd made it to the top he leaned over the railing so that he could see his mentor who was still standing in the kitchen. "Good night, Mr. Stark.", he called out with a smile.

Tony looked up at the teenager who was smiling down at him and wondered when something so mundane as hearing someone telling him good night started making him smile as he was. Then he decided that it was probably just because it was _Peter_. He shook his head and chuckled lightly, mostly to himself before calling back a quiet, "G'night, kiddo. Sleep well."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This lovely sandwich was brought to you by a website that suggested that Nutella paired well with Swiss cheese... as well as my desire to use the tag, 'Violence Against Toasters'.


	5. Cereal Smereal

As Tony entered the penthouse, he could hear Peter in the kitchen and had already decided that he wasn't going to question whatever abomination the kid was shoveling into his mouth. He was going to start the coffee maker and leave. That was the plan all the way up until Peter saw him approaching and immediately went into defense mode.

"This is not as bad as it looks!", Peter announced, eyes wide with a spoon hovering just outside of his mouth. 

Shaking his head, Tony tried, he _really, really tried_ not to respond. He just nodded his head and kept walking, placing his attention on the coffee maker as quickly as possible. What he didn't know wouldn't kill him... or make him gag. "I don't care. I don't want to know.", he replied with conviction before some sort of morbid curiosity took over and he glanced towards the sheepish looking teenager. He had a bowl in front of him and it appeared to have some sort of cereal in it. "Wait. Why are you acting all guilty about cereal?", he asked but when the boy's eyes only widened further he sighed. "That is cereal... isn't it?"

Using the hand not holding onto the spoon, Peter rapidly covered the top of the bowl. "Yep. Just cereal. You got me.", he replied with a nervous laugh.

At this point, Tony knew full well that is _wasn't just cereal_. He also knew that his best plan of action would be to finish filling his mug and walk away but he didn't. His brain seemed to be stuck in a strange loop of, _'Don't ask, this can't be good_.' and ' _You're the adult here, you should definitely ask_.' Eventually, the desire to make sure the kid wasn't poisoning himself won out and he groaned. "What's in the bowl, kid?"

Having already shoved the next bite into his mouth, Peter bowed his head and sighed. "Would you believe me if I said it was a cereal alternative?", the boy asked with a small smile. "I mean it sort of fits the criteria... it's crunchy and corn-based so..."

When Peter's words trailed off, Tony rolled his eyes and smiled. "Did the packaging say anything along the lines of it being a part of a complete, well-balanced breakfast?"

Peter furrowed his brows and frowned slightly. "Not especially but--", he began but Tony cut him off before he could further his case. 

"--So that's a no then, huh, kid?", Tony smirked but the only answer he got was Peter casually dropping his gaze to the hand that was still obscuring his view of the contents of the bowl. "Just give it to me straight, Pete. What have you done this time.", he probed in mock-disappointment.

Peter sighed and finally moved his hand so that he could take another bite from the bowl. Once he had swallowed it, he looked at his mentor and began to explain. "First of all, it's not as bad as it sounds, Mr. Stark--", he tried but Tony just laughed.

"--just get on with it. What's in that bowl?", he asked again. He could see it at this point but it was somewhat unrecognizable. The milk had turned pink and it looked like there was nothing but red mush floating around the top. 

Cutting his eyes to the side, Peter took a deep breath and finally answered. "Hot Cheetos.", he replied without inflection. 

"in milk?", Tony asked with a quirk of his brow. 

"People on YouTube eat it all the time!", Peter replied with zeal. He wasn't sure why he thought that would be his best choice as his first line of defense but it slipped out.

Chuckling lightly, Toy turned his attention back to the coffee machine that now had a full pot waiting for him. "Yeah... we don't take food advice from Youtube, kiddo.", he teased. While he was pretty sure there had to be at least some good cooking instructions somewhere in the land of YouTube how-tos, he was sure those were not the ones the teenager had been watching when he came across _that_. It was probably more of a dare than anything else. 

"...but it makes sense, Mr. Stark!", Peter once again defended with a smile. He really did have a good reason. Well, he thought it was a good reason but the man just continued to laugh in his direction. 

Once he felt like he had stopped laughing enough to get out a coherent sentence, Tony took a deep breath and shook his head. "It makes sense, how! How does pouring milk onto chips make any kind of sense!", he asked. He remembered Rhodey putting potato chips on his ham sandwiches in college but this like seemed a bit more of a stretch than that and he was eager to hear the rationalization. 

"Because they're spicy!", Peter half-whined.

"So are hot wings but I don't put them in a bowl of milk!", Tony retorted without missing a beat. 

Peter smiled and pointed towards his mentor ready to one hundred percent agree with that assessment. You did not submerge hot wings in milk. There was already an established cooling method for those and he wasn't a complete _heathen._ "You're right, Mr. Stark. You dip those in ranch."

"Blue cheese but whatever.", Tony quipped with a smile. "Why are you eating Hot Cheetos like cereal? Please fill me with your logic."

Peter nodded and held up his in order animatedly walk the man through his thought process. "Okay. So, I love Hot Cheetos right? I always have but after the spider bite they became like, _too hot_ so I started eating them with a glass of milk.--"

"--which sounds reasonable. How did we end up with this...", Tony happily interrupted while gesturing towards the table. "...monstrosity"

"I'm getting to that part, Mr. Stark!", Peter strained but he was smiling all the same. " _Anyway_ , it got to the point that I was taking a drink of milk, like, every two chips so it just makes sense mix them together.", he finished with a shrug of his shoulders because he truly believed that he was simply saving himself a step.

Tony nodded his head and tried to fight back the smile that was pulling at the corners of his mouth. "Naturally.", he causally replied when it sounded like Peter was finished explaining his flawed rationalization. 

Peter smiled at let out a breath of relief at his mentor's words. "See you get it, now!", he replied as he scooped the very last bite into his mouth. It was a bit soggier than he would have liked at that point but he wasn't going to leave it in the bowl either. 

"That was sarcasm, Pete.", Tony deadpanned.

Ignoring the man's comment, Peter went to rinse out the bowl and put it in the dishwasher. "It'snot even like I'm the only one who's ever eaten this and you have to admit it makes some sense, right, Mr. Stark?", he questioned with slight hesitation. 

"I have to admit nothing because _it doesn't._ Do you know what would make sense?", Tony asked in return but inquiry appeared to be rhetorical because he held up his hand to shush his mentee before the boy could answer. "Eating regular Cheetos instead."

"I like those too but Hot Cheetos _taste_ better.", Peter sighed out with remorse. Regular Cheetos didn't taste anything like the hot ones. If they did, they would have never had to have this conversation.

"Yeah, but if they're too hot to eat then...", Tony tried to counter but his words quickly ran out of steam. He'd officially learned his lesson. There was no explanation the boy could ever give that he would accept so he should stop asking. Period. "Never mind. I give up. I completely give up. You can eat whatever you want I'm no longer questioning anything."

Peter nodded his head and grinned. "Mm-hmm. That's probably best. Aunt May stopped questioning it a long time ago."

After staring at the boy for a full minute, Tony once again shook his head. "You really are a weird kid.", he lovingly accused making Peter smile wider than ever.

"Thanks.", Peter replied because he already knew that. They had already had that discussion and he was perfectly okay with it. More than okay... he took pride in it. However, it had also crossed his mind that having _Iron Man_ call him weird was definitely not an insult. It was a term of endearment really. He just smiled and crossed the room so that he was standing beside his mentor who was topping off his mug. 

Tony reached over and gave the back of the boy's neck a fond squeeze before patting him on the shoulder and pointing them towards the door. "If you're done then let's get going. I've got an idea for your web-shooters that I want to run by you."

"Yes, sir, Mr. Stark!", Peter agreed with a salute as he followed the man towards the lab. As he did so, he wondered if the man was really done questioning his eating habits or not. Part of him hoped that he was, while the other part enjoyed the teasing. Either way, he wasn't going to stop. He liked what he liked... and that was all there was too it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> YouTube, People. That's all I have to say.
> 
> On a side note, my family went out to dinner at some Mexican place last night. My daughter starts dipping her corn chips into her cup of Sprite. *gags* God help me.


	6. Elvis is Alive

It had been several weeks and Tony hadn't questioned Peter even once on anything he was eating. Not even when he stirred french dressing and pickled relish into a bowl of cottage cheese and then ate it with a spoon as if that were the most normal thing in the world. He wrote it off as 'a Peter thing' and ignored it completely. In fact, it had finally gotten to the point where the kid eating things that weren't 'normal' felt pretty, well, _normal._ Expected even. Which is why he had no problem agreeing when the teenager begged to eat at some trendy downtown hamburger joint one Friday night.

The first thing Tony noticed when he walked into the place was that it was... unique. The decorations were loud and the place seemed to be decorated as if it were straight out of a punk rock fever dream. The walls were painted with various designs, the lighting was sporadic and there was random artwork strewn across the walls. It was amazing to him that the kid could handle that much visual input with his senses as dialed up as they were but he was all smiles as they waited to be seated. 

The next thing Tony noticed was that the menu was... interesting. It consisted of your regular run of the mill cheeseburger choices. Mushroom and swiss, bacon double cheese along with all of the other usual combinations you would expect to see at a hamburger restaurant. Only they were renamed to have a more contemporary flair. However on the page beside it was the 'House Specials' and boy were they a different story. Nothing terribly over the top. There was a burger with jalapeno jelly and chipotle ricotta cheese along with one that was topped with barbecue sauce and shoe sting onions fries. However the further down the list you got, the more curious the combinations became. He stopped reading when he came across a giant burger that rather than having a bun was capped with two grilled cheese sandwiches and topped with bacon, more cheese and a sunny side up egg. It sounded like a heart attack waiting to happen and he didn't feel the need to read any further.

Looking across the table he noticed that Peter wasn't looking at the menu at all. He seemed to have already decided what he would be ordering long before they ever got there. "What are you having?", he asked out of curiosity. Though he assumed it would be the large cheeseburger he'd come across before closing his own menu. 

"The Elvis burger.", Peter excitedly exclaimed and waited a full minute for Tony to complain about his choice before questioning the man's lack of questions. "You aren't going to complain?", he asked with confusion because even if the man hadn't given him a hard time about food in what felt like ages he was pretty sure this would have elicited some sort of playful grievance _and he'd been looking forward to it._

"Nope.", Tony replied with a smile. 

Peter looked at him with a furrowed brow and a small frown at the lack of reaction. "Do you know what's on it?", he questioned.

"Nope.", Tony repeated withe the same clipped tone and amused smile. He'd not made it down to that particular menu item but he assumed it was a 'House Special'

"Do you want me to tell you?", Peter asked with raised eyebrows and a smile.

"Not even a little bit. If it's on the menu then I can only assume it's good.", Tony instantly replied. Nothing had been too crazy and it wouldn't be on the menu unless people _actually ordered it_ so he chose to focus on that. Even if it wasn't a conventional blend of flavors... which if Peter was excited about it he could only assume it wasn't... he was going to go with it and that thought led him into making a rash decision the moment the waiter arrived at the table.

"What can I get for you this evening?", the young man dressed in torn jeans and a band t-shirt asked. 

"I'll have the Elvis burger, medium well, with fries and a coke, please.", Peter answered without hesitation and the waiter jotted it down. 

When the waiter then turned to Tony the man glanced down at the closed menu and smiled. "I'll have whatever he's having.", he replied and didn't miss the astonished look that crossed Peter's face. "What?", he asked with a smirk once the waiter had walked away with their order.

Peter continued to gape at his mentor or several seconds because the man had just copied his order and he was sure he was somehow going to end up in trouble once the food arrived. It was an irrational thought, sure but at the moment he couldn't help but feel that way. He suddenly wished he'd ordered absolutely anything else.

"Close your mouth, Pete. You're going to catch flies like that.", Tony teased when the teenager continued to stare at him. "I mean I know I have a very pretty face and all but you've seen it before, kid. No need to gawk."

The playful mocking was enough to knock Peter out of his stupor and finally say something but it wasn't without a qualm. "You... you ordered what I ordered? Why?", he asked in disbelief.

Chuckling lightly, Tony, reached across the table to pat the befuddled teenager's hand. "Because whatever it is will be great. I'm adaptable and I concede to your weirdness. As in, I'm finally going to try one of your off the wall concoctions. At least I know this one has been through a focus group.", he said with a shrug of his shoulders. 

"..but you don't even know what it is.", Peter pointed out.

"No, I don't. It'll be a surprise.", he said with a guarded laugh. Now that he'd placed the order he was slightly nervous about what he'd gotten himself into. Though it had to be better than Hot Cheetos in milk or Chocolate and cheese sandwiches and worst-case scenario... he ordered a second entre. He was going to try it though. Whatever it was... he was going to give it a chance.

Several long minutes later the waiter returned with a tray and placed the identical plates down onto the table. Once he'd walked off again Tony hesitantly removed the top bun to examine what he'd received. "Alright, kid. Talk me through it. What have I got here?", he asked even though the topping were more than obvious at that point. 

"Um... it's uh, it's a regular hamburger patty with Elvis' favorite foods on it. So, um... bacon, cheese, peanut butter, and bananas.", he stuttered out as he watched his mentors face for any kind of feedback. When he received nothing more than a nod of the head he relaxed a little. "It's actually pretty good. I've had it before. Like, I know you probably think it sounds gross... and if you don't like it, it's fine but it's good, I promise"

"I can't wait to try it.", Tony said as he placed the top bun back on and cut the monstrous hamburger in half. Then with a deep breath and a few encouraging thoughts he brought half if it up to his mouth and took a strategically placed bite. He wanted to make sure he got a little bit of everything so that he could have the whole experience before deciding to order a perfectly good double cheeseburger. 

The first thing that hit him was the overwhelming taste of peanut butter. Though as it mixed with the meat it started to take on the flavor of a decent peanut sauce. The banana added a bit of sweetness, though the actual banana flavor was somewhat overwhelmed by the other components and the bacon was salty and added a nice crunch. All it all, it was, as Peter had promised... pretty good. He took another bite just to be sure before he nodded his head on approval. "It's good.", he said simply but Peter seemed to take it as a personal compliment. 

"You really like it?", Peter asked with wide eyes and a bright smile. He'd expected the man to grimace and force himself to swallow it down... he hadn't been expecting such a positive reception.

"Yeah. It's not as bad as I thought it would be.", Tony admitted with a smile before popping a fry into his mouth. Those were good too. They were obviously hand-cut and made in house. He'd been unsure about what to expect when they walked in but all in all, he was sort of impressed with the establishment as a whole. 

Peter nodded his head and continued to grin as he began to eat his hamburger as well. Then once he was at a stopping point, he wiped some peanut butter off of his chin and tilted his head in curiosity. "Does this mean you'll let me make you a grilled cheese and Nutella sandwich later?", he asked with delight. The idea that maybe, just maybe the man would be willing to try more things was sort of exciting... though he was most defiantly _not getting his hopes up._

"Nope. I'm giving you this. Don't get greedy.", Tony curtly replied but he was smiling the whole time. However, if his curiosity got the better of him and he dabbed a little bit of Nutella onto his grilled cheese one day... no one ever needed to know. Especially since he had no intention of _ever doing that again._ He would be leaving all of the adventurous food amalgamations to the kid because that was undoubtedly going to remain ' _a Peter thing'._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The Fat Elvis is a real hamburger that is on many menus around the southern US. The first time I came across it was at a place that is very much like the one I described in the story, except it's an 18 and up establishment (Maybe 21 now that the smoking laws have changed?). Anyway, all of the hamburgers I mentioned here are from that place's menu. The Jalapeno Jelly/chipotle ricotta cheese one is actually really good...
> 
> Side note: The cottage cheese with dressing and pickled relish was brought to you by a past co-worker of mine. She also dipped chunks of cheddar cheese into peanut butter. People are weird.


End file.
